No, this isn’t me bragging (this time). Everyone is AWESOME AT SOMETHING! That one thing (or more) that you seem to be an expert at, your gift, can also be a burden.
If you happen to be a good cook, you will be expected to cook all the time and do it to perfection. If you’re always well dressed and appear “polished,” then you may set a personal standard of looking dapper or glamorous (Jackie O never looked like a schlep). Someone might not even recognize you in grubby clothes. Standards come with expectations. See where I’m going with this?
I have a funny friend, like, an actual stand-up comedian. One day he walked in, sat down and did something he had never done before; he started telling us a sad story about something he had just witnessed (I will spare you the details). Expecting it to be a joke, like usual, we engaged! We leaned in eagerly, grinning ear-to-ear and nodding, waiting for the punch line. He delivered the final, unpleasant, details. “Then what?” we asked in anticipation. He was being serious, and we were all confused! He didn’t understand our lack of sympathy, or why he wasn’t being taken seriously, and we were still trying to figure out if he was serious or not. Awkward!
I guess we all get type-cast into real life roles. Just like Anthony Michael Hall couldn’t do an action movie in the 80’s, my friend couldn’t deliver a sad story without confusing his audience.
There are a few approaches you can take with your predictable identity (I think I have explored them all subconsciously): you could work to change it (that sounds too hard and it’s the option I have the least experience with). You can embrace your role, be a star, and recognize the pressure that comes with performing at a high-level. Or be an underachiever. Set that bar so fricking low that you can step over it, blindfolded. I don’t endorse this, but I can appreciate it.
A little-known fact about me: when I was in second grade, they considered having me skip the third and fourth grade (but I lived in Canada so they called it “grade 3” and “grade 4”). To those of you who know me personally, this may come as a shock to you. I have several theories about why the school administration thought this was a good idea: 1) The principal had a huge crush on my hot mom 2) Canada 3) I was the only non-Catholic kid at a Catholic school and they couldn’t figure out what to do with me 4) I was working at a “grade 5 level” because my brain has been stuck there my whole life. I’m a perma fifth grader! After fifth grade, it was all down hill. Ultimately, I stayed with the kids my age because they were concerned about my social development (little did they know).
Fast forward to junior high and high school. Every single grade, on every single report card, was accompanied by the comment “does not work up to potential.” As a parent, I can see how this must have been the most frustrating thing to read over, and over (sorry Mom and Dad). 13-year-old me thought this sounded great! Not only did they think I was smart, they believed I had potential that I could tap into if I ever wanted to “apply myself.” I’m still not working at my potential BTW.
My immature brain could not acknowledge that I was simply sabotaging myself. Why would I deliberately underachieve (it’s not like I enjoyed being grounded all the time)? It did not make any sense. Now it does. Turns out that maybe mini-Denise was onto something, and predicted the expectations that would accompany good grades. I’d have to do it all the time! Being mediocre was so much easier (until I had to make up for years of slacking so I could get into college).
Despite my less than stellar grades until college, I matured, and I thrived. I became the expert of many things among my peers. I’m still the “go-to” for so many people, for so many things. People trust me. While it’s a compliment, and I love that they hold me in such high regard, it comes with a great deal of (self-induced) pressure. Each product or performance has to be better than the last. That is just how I roll. People know it and they count on me to “go big or go home.” This makes my new endeavor, as a blogger, particularly daunting.
I’m an all or nothing kind of gal; like, if I can’t do it well, I don’t do it at all. Being good at things seems to come with an irrational fear of failure (seems backward). If I don’t think I can do something well, I put it off, make excuses, and hesitate to admit that my procrastination is driven by fear.
Since starting this blog, I have been overwhelmed with the kindness and encouragement of my friends, and even strangers. They keep telling me I’m a good writer. It is such an overwhelming compliment since I’m making myself vulnerable, and exploring something new. While I’m not sure if they’re just being kind, or if I’m actually doing a good job (I’m not digging for compliments here), but if I am, that scares the crap out of me. I don’t know which is more frightening: failure, or the pressure of success.
I’m here to encourage you to strive for awesomeness! If you need a cheerleader, I’ll be all like “Ra-ra-shish-kebab” and high-fives. Sometimes you just want to know that there are people that can relate to you, and to your struggles. Even when you are just struggling with the curse of being awesome. This is normal…right?
realtorswife.com 
Love this. You’re amazing whether you know it (which you do) or not. Love your message here!
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