I must confess, it has barely been two weeks since I quit working (mostly), but the last two weeks have been filled with epiphanies! I’m still a rookie SAHM, but hoping to be promoted to “executive” soon!
Prior to two weeks ago, I was addicted to work–more specifically I was addicted to the result of work: MONEY. If I was not at work, that meant I wasn’t making money. Not making money was terrifying for me. I never let myself truly relax; the line between relaxing and complacency became so blurred. I felt guilty if I wasn’t being productive and, for me, productivity was measured in dolla’ dolla’ bills (I’m a Taurus, I’m programmed that way).
Not working always seemed nutty to me! In 1995, I combined the (limited) powers of a scanner, typewriter and HP Desk Jet to change my birth year on my birth certificate so I could get my first job. A year later I was working two jobs and loved getting two paychecks even though school became less of a priority (I didn’t get paid to go to school after all). Since then I have tried to juggle two, full-time jobs, whenever possible. When I had my first daughter, I went to work on Wednesday, went straight from work to the hospital to be induced, gave birth Thursday, and was back at work on Monday (to be young again). With my second child, I worked past my due date until finally calling in and telling my boss “If you don’t need me to come in, I should probably take the day off because I’m contractions.” I was back at work ten days later. I allowed myself a full four weeks off with my youngest. I couldn’t wait to get back to work to replenish my bank account and have some “adult time.” I have always made work a priority.
My job wasn’t an important one. I wasn’t saving lives or changing the world. I did not have to work much, was paid well and thought I had a great work-life balance. What more could a person ask for? I can tell you what I really felt I was missing: obviously, precious time with my loved ones. I think I was subscribing to the “absence makes the heart grow fonder” approach with my family. In retrospect, that sounds crazy! Another thing I was missing was a sense of purpose or accomplishment (this may be unique to the nature of my work). It chipped away at my psyche, and eventually, I began losing sight of who I was, what I wanted and what was important. Will staying home be the answer? I will let you know!
I knew staying home would be harder than going to work. Maybe that is why I continued to cling on to my job for so long. I eventually realized that my reasons for continuing to work (when it was no longer a financial necessity) were selfish. Everyone in my family had so much to benefit from me being present and giving them the kind of support they really needed. I had no idea how good it would be. Here are some of the highlights, so far, about SAHM life:
I don’t feel guilty about not working. My life feels so balanced now. Looking back, I feel guilty for not making this decision sooner. I realize now that work was getting the best version of me and my family was getting the left-overs. When I was done with work I didn’t want to talk to anyone. I had been talking to people all day. My job left me drained. I put on a good show at work and had nothing left for the people who truly mattered. I was too drained to play with my kids, have a conversation with my husband, or help my teenager with homework.- It looks good on me. Not only do I have more time to focus on my family, but I have more time for self-care. As a busy mom, I have not been able to justify, or find time for, even the slightest indulgence. I don’t even get to use the toilet without an audience. Showering usually comes with a sacrifice relative to the duration of the shower. Within three minutes my kids can scatter an entire package of baby wipes. Five and you can add them emptying out their dressers. Eight means they have probably helped themselves to a snack. Anything beyond that, expect some sort of disaster in the bathroom (the possibilities are limitless there).
- Our marriage has gotten stronger. We are no longer living parallel lives under the same roof. Our lives are so much more intertwined than they used to be. We communicate better (now that I’m available) and as I result I don’t expect him to read my mind and get resentful and frustrated if he can’t. More than ever, I want to set him up for success in every way. I feel like we are more of a team now working together for a common goal instead of chasing individual victories.
- It is much less stressful. This may seem obvious, but it is not in the way that I expected. I thought “I will have so much to do. I’m still going to be so busy even though I won’t be ‘working.'” This is true, yes. It is different now. I don’t sit in my living room, getting anxious as I look around at all the unfinished projects and the growing to-do list, knowing that I never have the time or energy to tackle a new project, or finish one I had already started (that day when I had too much Pinterest and coffee). Now there is hope. My to-do list is still there, but it isn’t this unachievable, scary thing looming over me. It is filled with promise and that anticipated feeling of accomplishment that I have been yearning for.
- My house is still a mess. With two young children I never had any delusions about this, but like my to-do list, my messy house is not as daunting as it was when I would come home from work. Now I hope to get to it tomorrow instead of thinking “how much worse is this going to be by the time I get home tomorrow.” Tasks are more manageable than they were two weeks ago.
- I need to keep a calendar. Not just because I forget what day of the week it is. Before, my schedule was set five days a week. I got used to not being able to make plans because I had to work. Now, when someone sends me an invitation, I can finally say “yes,” but I’m losing track of how often, to who and when! It really is a great problem to have!
- I like my kids! Of course, I love them more than anything, but I was used to them in small doses and had no idea what to expect from total immersion. As it turns out, they behave a little better when they aren’t fighting over my attention with limited time.
I feel like I’m finally living, and before I was just working. My days off were filled with trying to recuperate from work and prepare for work. I never felt fully engaged with what was happening at home, because home seemed like a temporary place where I existed when I wasn’t working. My job, unfortunately, became a priority over what is actually important. At times, work felt safe and predictable, and it even began to feel permanent.
I know so many amazing working moms that seem to have mastered it. They can work, be available for their kids, run marathons, have a social life, volunteer, bake, all while looking beautiful and not letting their house look like a crime scene. I don’t know how they do it (without hard drugs)! For me, I couldn’t juggle it all. I take so many herbal supplements and still don’t have the energy to accomplish 10% of what some of my (superhero-mom) friends do! You know who you are and you amaze me!
Committing to be a SAHM is not an easy decision, and is not possible for every situation and phase of life. I’m not confident that I will be able to resist those dolla’dolla’ bills for long. For now, I am enjoying this time with my family and keeping my options open. I know staying at home is not all “kittens and rainbows,” (clearly, I’m still in the honeymoon phase) but I’m enjoying this season more than I ever expected to. I don’t know what is ahead, but I have a new perspective on what is important and meaningful and I hope to remember this.
realtorswife.com 
Thank you for sharing! Stay at home moms are moms on the go! I love it! 🙂
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